Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
