So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
