All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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