i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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