I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
