areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
