I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
