Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
