I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
