So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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