I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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