In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
