Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
