found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
