i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
