I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
