Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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