Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
