from now on my penis is your penis
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
