So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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