Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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