1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
