So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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