Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
