Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
