Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
