There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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