Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
