I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
