Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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