My nipple is on Facebook.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i've created a new STD.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
