omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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