I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i came on her dog
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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