Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
