I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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