genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
