I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think my moral compass just broke
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
