chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Randomize
