His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
