Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im holly from the hills drunk
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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