I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
