i barfeds in our rink
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
