Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We need a shit load of segways right now
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
why is half of my head shaved?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
