hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
