she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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