He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
