just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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