i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
