there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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