All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
