for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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